Who do I talk to about the noise levels?
Out One Day: One Star for Mardi Gras
Paul Oswell
An occasional column of real life stories from New Orleans.
As we enter Krewe de Vieux weekend, it feels like Mardi Gras energy kicks its energies up a notch, and we locals psychologically and physically commit ourselves to the marathon of celebrations that await. Who needs sleep? We can catch a lie-in on Ash Wednesday. While the majority of folk enter into the spirit of the annual party, there are some for who it doesn’t quite hit the same spot. Here’s some of our favorite (real) complaints about the world's biggest free party from online review sites.
For starters, which local sold this couple “Tickets to the Mardi Gras” and who does they complain to?
“Entrance fee should be free! King’s cake was awful! Raining all day and the ceiling was leaking! Horrible experience!”
Was he watching it from under a bus shelter? What "ceiling"? Is he referring to "the sky"?
Then there’s a more considered opinion: “If you’re a party animal, like drinking at all hours, standing around in dirty streets and having plastic rubbish thrown at you from parade floats then Mardi Gras is for you.”
Don’t threaten us with a good time! They continue: “The noise never ends so I would recommend a hotel away from this area unless you want to be right in the action. I know I sound like a complete misery but I just didn’t get what all the fuss was about.”
You’re right, it does get a tad rambunctious. Maybe come back in August and just walk around the Garden District at 3am for some peace and quiet.
There are even more specific beefs from this partygoer: “Wearing a long gown is ridiculous when the floor gets absolutely filthy. The riders literally hum their beads with no regard for your face or teeth.”
Maybe take your teeth out and put them in a safe place? Then it’s just your face you have to watch for.
We proceed to things that are annoying, but are hardly the fault of Mardi Gras: “One of the ways the city has increased its revenue is to put up cameras on major streets that take pictures of people exceeding the speed limit. (Because of this) I cut my stay there short a week, so the local businesses missed out on $130x7 for my hotel, $60x7 for meals, plus expenses so about $1400.”
Buddy, I hate to tell you, but that’s every day for us. Don’t drive around during Mardi Gras? I don’t know what to tell you. Just Venmo those local businesses if you're so concerned.
Here’s two possibly unrelated complaints from a poor soldier who may have wandered into Hustler’s with purple and green hands: “Be careful of the beads dying your neck or your clothing. Also strip clubs are false advertising.”
Not sure where the falsity lies here, because last we checked, er, I mean asked people familiar with the matter, there’s definitely stripping going on in there. And yes, it's amazing that those cheap, lead-ridden plastic beads don’t retain their chromatic integrity being repeatedly mauled by sweaty paws.
For some, there's no escape: “I wasn't a big fan of Bourbon Street, the French Quarter or the parades.”
Yeah, that’s rough. Someone needs to tell this delicate soul about ‘Tit Rex, or maybe Krewe of Red Beans might be more their speed. There are gentler parades!
And finally: “Hard to see, even with reserved seats and it’s almost impossible to hear the narrative.”
Ah, yes, children, gather round and listen to the narrative of Mardi Gras. Spoiler alert: there isn’t one. The story is: chaotic, booze-drenched carnage for four weeks. The End. Welcome to visitors who join the revelry with open minds and hearts, and for those that don’t quite gel with the vibe, we’re sorry, but it’s probably not going to change much. At least not until it gets bought out by the Disney corporation. Happy Mardi Gras, y’all!
Back to Stories
Paul Oswell
An occasional column of real life stories from New Orleans.
As we enter Krewe de Vieux weekend, it feels like Mardi Gras energy kicks its energies up a notch, and we locals psychologically and physically commit ourselves to the marathon of celebrations that await. Who needs sleep? We can catch a lie-in on Ash Wednesday. While the majority of folk enter into the spirit of the annual party, there are some for who it doesn’t quite hit the same spot. Here’s some of our favorite (real) complaints about the world's biggest free party from online review sites.
For starters, which local sold this couple “Tickets to the Mardi Gras” and who does they complain to?
“Entrance fee should be free! King’s cake was awful! Raining all day and the ceiling was leaking! Horrible experience!”
Was he watching it from under a bus shelter? What "ceiling"? Is he referring to "the sky"?
Then there’s a more considered opinion: “If you’re a party animal, like drinking at all hours, standing around in dirty streets and having plastic rubbish thrown at you from parade floats then Mardi Gras is for you.”
Don’t threaten us with a good time! They continue: “The noise never ends so I would recommend a hotel away from this area unless you want to be right in the action. I know I sound like a complete misery but I just didn’t get what all the fuss was about.”
You’re right, it does get a tad rambunctious. Maybe come back in August and just walk around the Garden District at 3am for some peace and quiet.
There are even more specific beefs from this partygoer: “Wearing a long gown is ridiculous when the floor gets absolutely filthy. The riders literally hum their beads with no regard for your face or teeth.”
Maybe take your teeth out and put them in a safe place? Then it’s just your face you have to watch for.
We proceed to things that are annoying, but are hardly the fault of Mardi Gras: “One of the ways the city has increased its revenue is to put up cameras on major streets that take pictures of people exceeding the speed limit. (Because of this) I cut my stay there short a week, so the local businesses missed out on $130x7 for my hotel, $60x7 for meals, plus expenses so about $1400.”
Buddy, I hate to tell you, but that’s every day for us. Don’t drive around during Mardi Gras? I don’t know what to tell you. Just Venmo those local businesses if you're so concerned.
Here’s two possibly unrelated complaints from a poor soldier who may have wandered into Hustler’s with purple and green hands: “Be careful of the beads dying your neck or your clothing. Also strip clubs are false advertising.”
Not sure where the falsity lies here, because last we checked, er, I mean asked people familiar with the matter, there’s definitely stripping going on in there. And yes, it's amazing that those cheap, lead-ridden plastic beads don’t retain their chromatic integrity being repeatedly mauled by sweaty paws.
For some, there's no escape: “I wasn't a big fan of Bourbon Street, the French Quarter or the parades.”
Yeah, that’s rough. Someone needs to tell this delicate soul about ‘Tit Rex, or maybe Krewe of Red Beans might be more their speed. There are gentler parades!
And finally: “Hard to see, even with reserved seats and it’s almost impossible to hear the narrative.”
Ah, yes, children, gather round and listen to the narrative of Mardi Gras. Spoiler alert: there isn’t one. The story is: chaotic, booze-drenched carnage for four weeks. The End. Welcome to visitors who join the revelry with open minds and hearts, and for those that don’t quite gel with the vibe, we’re sorry, but it’s probably not going to change much. At least not until it gets bought out by the Disney corporation. Happy Mardi Gras, y’all!
Back to Stories