Just chillaxin' at the fest: Your guide to Jazz Dads
The Jazz Dad: A Field Guide
Every spring, they arrive in their gaudy hordes to pay their respects to octogenarian rock bands, and to dedicate their time to chilling the hell out across both weekends of Jazz Fest. By their garish clothes and laid-back passive aggression will you know them. There are obviously a few sub-species within the genus, from corporate weekend warriors to tie-dyed hippie elders, but here's our general field guide to that most colorful of festival goers: The Jazz Dad
Say it with him..."Change in latitude, change in attitude."
Has preferred festival grounds entrances - ones that are best placed to hotfoot it to the stage the quickest so they're in a prime spot for Dave Matthews
“Of course, it’s very commercial these days, nothing compares to seeing Snooks Eaglin or Bongo Joe in ‘71…”
Range of shirts: Tommy Bahama Hawaiian collection, home-made tie-dye job, classic 'How-Ah-Ya' tee
Raw milk enjoyer
Many beer koozies, in pockets, in backpacks, strung from necklaces, etc
Here for a good time and a long time
Black, tie-dyed, Jimmy Buffet memorial armband
Dropped out of college to follow Fleetwood Mac…sorry, “The Mac”...on their ‘75 tour
‘Peace and Love’ bandana but will square up to you if you accidentally cut in line for Crawfish Monica
Dance like...oh man, now everybody is watching
Sunhat (Fulani for the elite Jazz Dad, fishing/mangy straw hat for the regulars) clamped to head with ties, graying ponytail peaking out at the back
Has day-of-the-week socks that all feature salt shakers
“I mean The Stones have some decent songs and all, but they’re no Buffalo Springfield.”
Compliments hats with the phrase, “Sweet lid!”
Accessorizes with Brass Passes from previous years, will corner you and tell you about each one in great detail
Has Type 2 Diabetes contracted solely from margarita consumption in the late 1980s
Huge sandals with elaborate vecro strapping system, worn with socks at all times
Aspires to date a widow who already has her own place in The Villages
Constant faint smell of patchouli
Gets weirdly angry while arguing for the merits of Steely Dan
Yelling at the food stand server because they can't use their AMEX Platinum card to buy small bowl of gumbo
Every conceivable appliance contained in the many, many pockets of their Academy fishing jacket and massive cargo shorts
“Hey, don’t talk to me about activism, I was at Kent State in ‘71.” (watched it on TV news)
Addresses women he doesn't know as Chica, Lil’ Mama or Puddin’
Has never turned down an invitation to join a conga line
Box of headwear at home with an unhinged amount of hats shaped like tropical birds, beer steins, and sea life (various)
Allegedly never smokes weed but will hit that doobie, puff on that j-bird or try the ol’ wacky backy just this once if you're offering
Won’t stop going on about that one time he met Joan Didion (talked to her for too long at a book signing)
Still calls The Bay Area “‘Frisco”. Hasn’t been there in 45 years.
An active member of 368 Facebook groups
“You tried those Cheech and Chong gummies?”
Takes a foldable chair everywhere just in case
"Santa Fe? I spent a month THERE one weekend!"
Inordinately large collection of Phish t-shirts
Strict 10% tipping policy (but with 30% tip expectations)
“That RFK Jr is actually making some good points…”
Lives “kind of off grid right now” (in his 95-year old parents’ basement)
“Never waste a rest stop or an erection.”
Fins up!
Constantly touting wife’s Etsy candle business
Needs to borrow some cash as he left his wallet “at the casita” (room at Hilton Garden Inns)
(with thanks to Twitter users @sue36, @Freebodynola, @verysmartbimbo, @ericajohnson27, @BellaBlueNola, @lafcadiohearn2, @jthannan, @WmBlakeT, @thisnolalife, @Cubbykar, @sometourist, @Pezznola, @mandatheresa, @thedigitalken, @gurl_louisiana, @Jamibouttime and @GrizzlyStanton for their insights and suggestions)
Every spring, they arrive in their gaudy hordes to pay their respects to octogenarian rock bands, and to dedicate their time to chilling the hell out across both weekends of Jazz Fest. By their garish clothes and laid-back passive aggression will you know them. There are obviously a few sub-species within the genus, from corporate weekend warriors to tie-dyed hippie elders, but here's our general field guide to that most colorful of festival goers: The Jazz Dad
Say it with him..."Change in latitude, change in attitude."
Has preferred festival grounds entrances - ones that are best placed to hotfoot it to the stage the quickest so they're in a prime spot for Dave Matthews
“Of course, it’s very commercial these days, nothing compares to seeing Snooks Eaglin or Bongo Joe in ‘71…”
Range of shirts: Tommy Bahama Hawaiian collection, home-made tie-dye job, classic 'How-Ah-Ya' tee
Raw milk enjoyer
Many beer koozies, in pockets, in backpacks, strung from necklaces, etc
Here for a good time and a long time
Black, tie-dyed, Jimmy Buffet memorial armband
Dropped out of college to follow Fleetwood Mac…sorry, “The Mac”...on their ‘75 tour
‘Peace and Love’ bandana but will square up to you if you accidentally cut in line for Crawfish Monica
Dance like...oh man, now everybody is watching
Sunhat (Fulani for the elite Jazz Dad, fishing/mangy straw hat for the regulars) clamped to head with ties, graying ponytail peaking out at the back
Has day-of-the-week socks that all feature salt shakers
“I mean The Stones have some decent songs and all, but they’re no Buffalo Springfield.”
Compliments hats with the phrase, “Sweet lid!”
Accessorizes with Brass Passes from previous years, will corner you and tell you about each one in great detail
Has Type 2 Diabetes contracted solely from margarita consumption in the late 1980s
Huge sandals with elaborate vecro strapping system, worn with socks at all times
Aspires to date a widow who already has her own place in The Villages
Constant faint smell of patchouli
Gets weirdly angry while arguing for the merits of Steely Dan
Yelling at the food stand server because they can't use their AMEX Platinum card to buy small bowl of gumbo
Every conceivable appliance contained in the many, many pockets of their Academy fishing jacket and massive cargo shorts
“Hey, don’t talk to me about activism, I was at Kent State in ‘71.” (watched it on TV news)
Addresses women he doesn't know as Chica, Lil’ Mama or Puddin’
Has never turned down an invitation to join a conga line
Box of headwear at home with an unhinged amount of hats shaped like tropical birds, beer steins, and sea life (various)
Allegedly never smokes weed but will hit that doobie, puff on that j-bird or try the ol’ wacky backy just this once if you're offering
Won’t stop going on about that one time he met Joan Didion (talked to her for too long at a book signing)
Still calls The Bay Area “‘Frisco”. Hasn’t been there in 45 years.
An active member of 368 Facebook groups
“You tried those Cheech and Chong gummies?”
Takes a foldable chair everywhere just in case
"Santa Fe? I spent a month THERE one weekend!"
Inordinately large collection of Phish t-shirts
Strict 10% tipping policy (but with 30% tip expectations)
“That RFK Jr is actually making some good points…”
Lives “kind of off grid right now” (in his 95-year old parents’ basement)
“Never waste a rest stop or an erection.”
Fins up!
Constantly touting wife’s Etsy candle business
Needs to borrow some cash as he left his wallet “at the casita” (room at Hilton Garden Inns)
(with thanks to Twitter users @sue36, @Freebodynola, @verysmartbimbo, @ericajohnson27, @BellaBlueNola, @lafcadiohearn2, @jthannan, @WmBlakeT, @thisnolalife, @Cubbykar, @sometourist, @Pezznola, @mandatheresa, @thedigitalken, @gurl_louisiana, @Jamibouttime and @GrizzlyStanton for their insights and suggestions)
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